FRIDAY
JUNE 20, 2014.
'All you need to say is simply
Yes or No...' Matthew 5:37 NIV
Set
Boundaries (1)
When
does 'a good thing' become 'too much'? Can I help you, without hurting me? Can
we share our lives, without me giving up mine? When do you truly need my help?
When do I need to let go, and let you and God handle it? Finding the balance
between 'enough' and 'too much' in relationships is a constant challenge and
isn't easy. Especially when your role tends to be 'all things, at all times, to
all people,' and theirs is 'I'm helpless, you owe me, take care of me'; when
you have no "no" and they have no "yes". Needing to be
needed by needy people who always want someone to take care of them puts the
needy person in the driver's seat - and puts you over the edge. They are never
happy, whatever you do. So you do more to make them feel happier and yourself
feel less guilty, and you end up in a double bind. They resent you for not
giving enough, and you resent them for not appreciating what you give. Yet
neither of you knows how to break the cycle. So the relationship becomes what
counsellors call a 'more-of-the-same' tangle where both parties resent and
devalue the other, feeling stuck in a life-dominating trap you both fear to
jettison. Marriages, families, friendships, workplaces, churches and social
groups get trapped in this 'victim-rescuer' pattern where needy people and
fixers become trapped in a mutual dance they both 'love to hate' but won't stop
doing! Recognise yourself? If so, you're moving toward a healthier, less toxic
relationship.
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